


Whenever You’re Ready

by nilshki



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, Falling In Love, Journals, Letters, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:47:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28124847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nilshki/pseuds/nilshki
Summary: What Buck and Eddie really want to say to each other.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 34
Collections: 25 (More) Days Of Buddie





	Whenever You’re Ready

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first part of my fic for the Buddie Discord Advent Day 16, prompt Dear Buck/Dear Eddie.
> 
> I struggled writing this and am not sure I love it, but I wanted to put something out there (only a little late!) More is planned! I’m just having trouble writing it. Hope you enjoy what I have so far.
> 
> Title is from [Surrender by Natalie Taylor](https://open.spotify.com/track/0ecC8p17cDNlxHXkuYqeR6?si=E2QQqOaIT0iZiPNjYwOUNg)

Hey Asshole,

I don’t know who you think you are, or why you think you can just waltz in here as if you own the place. Being in the army and having a rocking set of abs doesn’t mean you’re better than the rest of us.

I don’t even know why I’m writing this entry to you, except that I’m so pissed off. And my therapist tells me I should write to the people I want to talk to. So just know, Eddie Diaz. I’m not gonna fall all over you like everyone else does. You’re gonna have to earn your place at the 118, just like everyone else.

Fuck off,

Buck

Hey Eddie,

So, maybe I was a little hasty in my judgement. I guess something about almost dying together puts some things in perspective. And you were  _ impressed _ , by me? I guess I’m not used to that. So, you’ve earned your place, Diaz. I hope you don’t screw it up. Or that I don’t. I think we could be good friends - I already like making you smile. 

Shit, that sounded romantic, didn’t it. Fuck it, Buck, don’t turn every person who looks at you twice into a romantic partner. Sorry Eddie. Just friends, promise. 

Fuck off, but fondly,

Buck

_ Edmundo _ ,

Finally found out your full name, ha! It was kinda scary when you got called to the hospital. At first, like you, I thought it was Chris. The thought of anything happening to that kid is terrifying. He’s so  _ good _ . I’m sorry your Abuela is hurt though, and that it will make it harder for you. I wish I had a good solution. 

Oh, wait! I’m an idiot, I don’t know why I didn’t think of it earlier. I’ll call Carla. She’ll be able to help you, for sure. It’s, like,  _ her job. _ I hope you can afford it...but I think she’ll be worthwhile, at least to talk to. I’ll call her now.

Peace out,

Buck

Dear Eddie, 

I’m jealous of your wife. Is that weird? For friends to be jealous of significant others? I just...you spend so much time with her now, the two of you and Chris. I feel like the last time I really hung out with you guys was Christmas. Don’t get me wrong - she’s pretty cool. And I’m glad Chris has his mom back - he seems to be so happy. He’s so excited to talk about her whenever I see him. Best Christmas present, he said. You did good, Dad. I just wish I got to be more a part of it. Ali and I aren’t even close to being that serious. When she’s actually in LA, it’s mostly sex. I mean, dates, and conversation and actually being with each other, sure. But it’s all very casual. I kind of want to ask for more. But I don’t think she’s ready for that. I do really like her - she’s good for me. So I’ll take it. And I’ll take being your friend, and Christopher’s friend, in whatever ways you need, and not in ways you don’t. And Shannon’s! Her friend too.  For yours and Christopher’s sakes. Her friend. I’ll be her friend. 

Anyway, bye.

Buck

Hey Eds,

There are no words. I’m so sorry about Shannon. It’s so fucked up. I know you guys were going through some stuff, but this? She deserved a chance, and so did you. And Chris deserves his mom - I can’t believe that kid has to to lose her,  _ again. _ Fucked up. I’m gonna be there for you guys though, we all will. Anything you need.

Buck

Eddie,

You’ve been a godsend. After all my intentions to be there for you, you’re there for me in ways I can’t even begin to repay. Without you and Chris, and Maddie, I’d have given up ages ago. There was just so much  _ pain. _ But you guys saw me through, and now I’m getting recertified.

Wish me luck!

Buck

Dear Eddie,

I’m so so so sorry. It was all my fault. If I’d gotten my shit together, you wouldn’t have needed to use Chris. If I’d taken him elsewhere he would have been safe. If I hadn’t tried to be a hero and save everyone else, I would’ve kept a better watch on him. That’s the worst - he was my responsibility and I decided being a firefighter was more important. I don’t even know why. That kid is the most important thing in my life. His attitude and shining face got me through more dark days in recovery than I can count.  _ Nothing _ is more precious than he is - and I still took my eyes off him to play savior. I promise I never gave up looking though. Even when they pointed me toward the morgue tent. I was going to go back out there when you saw me, I swear. I was going to find him.

I’m glad someone did though. Did you ever get her name? She’s the hero. She’s amazing, carrying Chris for who knows how long, making sure he stayed safe. She did better than I did, that’s for sure. 

I know you’ll never leave Chris with me again. It hurts, more than anything I’ve ever felt before, but I deserve it. I know I broke your trust, lost the most important thing in your life. I hope you’ll still let me hang out with him, eventually. You’d be there of course, but I’d just love to see him.

~~ Maybe it will make the nightmares go away if I see him alive again. ~~

I love that kid. I’m so sorry I failed him.

Buck

  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it! Let me know what you thought! Any input on what to add next is also welcome! The plan is to do some from Eddie’s POV next and continue through the events of the series and then past that.


End file.
